When I was perched on tree hanging on the side of a mountain, past the point of exhaustion, I wondered if I would be able to tell any more stories. I wondered if anyone was left that cared to hear them.
I remember thinking when I was deciding to cross the ice field that it might be the last thing I do.
When I crossed the second larger one I saw the multiple ways that it could all go wrong.
After the third one, I knew I had gone too far. I was looking for other ways to get down.
Sesame heard water and I knew what she was going for. When I saw her slip and feet fly up in the air and disappear from sight, I thought: well I guess this really is the end. I sprinted up to the area as fast as I could to see Sesame clawing her way out of slippery rocks. Her wet back and all her muscles flexed and strained as she got back to solid ground.
She shook off the water and the stress of the situation.
She greeted me like she did every time we've been separated for an extended period. "Im so glad you're still here. I love you so much. I'll go anywhere with you. "
She had been wanting to turn back after the 2nd ice field. Her pleading eyes and whimpering became more vocal.
We worked our way along a little 3 inch shelf to a tree that looked comfortable, except Sesame couldn't rest. She was continually slipping down the mountain. The ice and crumbling muddy rocks falling out from under our feet and tumbling down the hundreds of feet, show me the path of least resistance for those that no longer care to keep fighting.
Sitting on the tree, catching my breath, looking at Sesame, and out over the mountains, I take out my cellphone to take what might be the last picture that I take.
Sick at my stomach, but too weak to go on, I take out the expensive bar I got from REI. I wonder if this is going to be the last thing I eat. I decide to rest for at least an hour. Something I know that is going to be difficult for Sesame because of the grade of the mountain.
Every instinct in my body is yelling, "get off this mountain now"
My legs are jelly. My heart is pounding. My hands shaking as I unwrapped the plastic. I was leaving bits of trash to mark my trail.
On my wat to the tree where i was currently resting I lost a bottle of vitamin water when I needed both my hands to cling to the crumbling rock face. I didn't want to return that way.
You were my reason that I turned back. I wanted you to feel loved one more time.
I dug in deep pulled myself back to standing on the tree that was soon going to tumble down.
I said thanks to the tree for holding strong. When the tree above gave way as I was trying to get back to the way I came, I thanked the Resting tree again.
The tumbling tree crashed it's way down taking snow and rock with it.
That was the moment that I decided to use every bit of my mind body and spirit to return safe to the world.
Step by cautious step, creeping back the way I came. First up through the ice, then across the little flakes of a path, past the water where I thought Sesame had disappeared.
The choice to go backtrack across the ice fields was terrifying. Every plane that roared over, I was certain was the ice letting go and taking me with it.
Me and Sesame worked our way back. Her in front checking the ice, me following in our footsteps.
I slipped several times. I was surprised by gravity and the weight of my body. I dug my hands into the dirt and rocks the first time. The painful ice the second time. I was happy with my desire to live and the growing proximity to safety.
I remember thinking "you're not out of the woods yet" after successfully making it back from the furthest ice flow.
Maybe that's all we are for each other. A sturdy tree to rest on in a mountain full of danger. We can't stay put, but we can take a moment to rest and remember what is important in life: 1. to love 2. To keep moving forward and 3. To keep on creating every chance you get.
